


Just Saying

by L_ass_hton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationship/Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, And Calum is a bit of a dick, Denial of Feelings, Except for Ashton, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, I Love You, I suck at tagging, I'm Sorry, It gets sad at one point, It shouldn't be triggering, Luke is a bit of an idiot, M/M, Mentions of Michael Clifford/OC, They're all dicks in this one, Use of the same homophobic slur a few times, actually, but just be cautious, just saying, ok, slight - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3156644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_ass_hton/pseuds/L_ass_hton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke's got a boyfriend, and he's a total loser. All his friends tell him that he's got no future, but they like Ashton. Just saying.</p><p>--</p><p>Basically, Luke has a boyfriend who's a bit of a jerk and everyone thinks Luke should leave him. Stuff happens.<br/>Based on the song 'Just Saying' by 5 Seconds of Summer</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Saying

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya :)  
> So this is one of the works I've been writing about for a while and procrastinating on writing for even longer. It's a bit different to my other one in a lot of ways really. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, but it was the easiest to write and get finished. Sorry if it's trash >.  
> I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammatical errors that I've missed.  
> On a tiny note, I made up the name Sydney Stallions so if that's an actual team somewhere I'm sorry. It's supposed to be an AFL team for the university they attend so. :P Also I'm Australian, so if there is any slang or weirdly named stuff in this that anyone thinks sounds stupid I'm so sorry. :o  
> I love you all! Hope you have a fantastic night/day/life <3

“Is a suit too much? Oh god, I can’t go in just skinny jeans. He didn't even tell me what kind of restaurant it was. What if I show up in jeans and there is a Maître D who wears one of those suits with the coat tails. What if he calls me ‘Sir’ and I look like an asshole because I’m dressed like a high school dropout. Fuck. Shit. I’m so-”

“Luke. Calm the fuck down.” Calum throws a frown at his friend from the couch, not able to focus on the movie with Luke’s babbling in the background.

“I’m having a crisis, Calum!” Luke yells and Calum rolls his eyes. “This is my first date and I’m going to fuck it all up!”

“First date after three months and _you’re_ the one who’s worried that you’re going to mess it up.” Calum mutters and Luke stops midway through ripping his third pair of black skinny jeans off – because Luke thinks the hole in these ones make him look a little less punk rock and a little more like he dropped out of high school and now works at McDonalds – to give Calum a look.

“You don’t understand. We've been keeping our relationship a secret.” He says and Calum huffs because he’s heard that a thousand times now, at least.

“Yeah, it’s almost like it doesn't even exist.” He answers sarcastically and then sees the hurt look that flashes across his friend’s face. “Sorry.” He mumbles.

Luke slowly pulls on his fourth pair of jeans, hoping these ones are the ones, and doesn't look at Calum.

“I don’t get why you guys won’t even _try_ to be understanding.” He says and Calum doesn't know how to say anything that won’t further upset his younger friend, so he doesn't say anything at all.

“Do you think these are okay?” Luke asks, looking over his outfit in the mirror. In reality, he looks like he always does: black skinny jeans, black vans, and a black shirt.

“Dude, they all look the same. You look fine. Besides, your hair is quiffed to perfection today. If you’re not dressed right your hair will make up for it.” Luke touches his stiff blonde locks, making sure they're still upright and shudders a breath. God, why is he so nervous?  
“We’re coming in, hope nobody is naked!” Michael’s voice rings through their tiny apartment and Calum grunts in response. It’s good enough for the older boy as he opens the door and enters the dingy open lounge room, Ashton following behind him.

Their apartment is too small for Calum and Luke, but with the minimal amount of money they’re making from Centrelink and the stress of further education on their backs it has to work. And it does. Maybe Luke misses his home and the privilege of his own privacy, but he kind of loves living with one of his best friends, with their other two best friends just down the hall. It’s only when they've got Ashton and Michael over as well, which is far too often, that it starts to feel cramped.

“You look good, Lukey.” Ashton says and Luke blushes.

“Really? Do you think I’d get kicked out of a restaurant for wearing skinny jeans?”

“Not in a good one you won’t.” Ashton grins and then Luke’s phone buzzes and his heart nearly explodes.

“Oh god, I've got to go. Bye guys! Wish me luck.” He calls as he stumbles to the door, silently cursing his longer-than-life legs.

“Good luck.” Ashton murmurs as Luke whizzes past him.

“You’re going to need it.” Michael says and Luke pretends he didn't hear it.

\--

Luke catches the bus to his boyfriend’s house, and yeah that’s not very glamorous but he doesn't have his Ps yet. It’s pretty damn lame, but he’s getting around to it, okay?

He knocks on the door, taking a moment to calm his nerves. He’s been with Travis for three months now, so he doesn’t really understand why he’s so nervous, but it’s probably because this is their first ever date in public and Luke is excited as hell.

When Travis told Luke that he didn’t want to make their relationship public, Luke didn’t really have a problem with it. He had only just recently come out himself, so he understood how hard it could be to deal with your sexuality and the insecurities that come with it.

After a few months though, he admittedly got a bit antsy. He doesn’t want to rush Travis, but he is desperate to hold his hand in public, or even just be _seen_ with him in public. Luke is pretty sure that none of Travis’ friends even know that he exists, and even if they do, he’s just that random tall kid that occasionally hangs out with him, nothing more.

He tentatively asked Travis if maybe they could go out on a date for their three-month anniversary – because even though Luke likes to pretend he’s manly, all of that romantic bullshit totally gets him – and he got the shock of his life when Travis agreed.

Luke is pulled from his thoughts when the door swings open and there’s his boyfriend, leaning against the door.

“Hey.” He smiles, that big, charismatic grin that seems to be his go-to facial expression making an appearance.

“Hey Travis.” Luke smiles and he desperately wants to lean in and kiss his boyfriend but he knows that that’s pushing it. Only Travis gets to initiate affection, Luke’s learnt.  
“You ready to go?” Travis closes the door behind him as he joins Luke in the cool night air. Luke likes that Travis is slightly taller than him. He’s muscly and masculine and exudes charm. He’s the star footballer at their college, the Sydney Stallions’ pride and joy. From his perfectly messy brunette locks to his sharp, angular jaw, to his straight, white-toothed smile, Travis could have his face slapped on any advertisement and people of all genders would be rushing to buy the product at a moment’s notice.

“Yeah.” Luke breathes out, trying not to swoon but totally failing.

They wait for the bus to arrive at the stop right outside of Travis' house. Again, not really that glamorous, but Travis said he didn't want to drive. Luke will make do with what he’s got.

Travis sits next to an older lady and Luke sits by himself. His boyfriend gives him an apologetic smile when Luke looks at him, confused, and then Luke’s excitement fades slightly because Travis doesn’t even want to sit next to him on the bus in case people think weirdly of them. He tries not to let it get to him too much. Baby steps, he tells himself.

They get off a few stops later and walk to a burger joint.

“I’m glad I didn’t wear a suit then.” Luke jokes and Travis laughs, nudging him.

“Please tell me you didn’t freak out over what you were going to wear.” The brunette smirks and Luke blushes slightly. “You’re such a girl, Luke.”

“Shut up.” He mumbles and then melts a little bit at the sound of the older boy’s laugh.

They get a table that’s noticeably out of sight (baby steps, Luke, baby steps) and its dark and the sound of the pokies is almost loud enough to be a disturbance, but Luke doesn’t mind.

They make conversation and Luke is reminded of why he doesn’t mind waiting for his boyfriend. Travis is so sweet. It’s like his every word is coated in honey and served with a side of marshmallows. And he knows just how to butter Luke up.

“You know, you look good tonight, Luke. Really good.” Travis smiles, looking at Luke with a fire in his eyes.

“Yeah?” Luke breathes out, unconsciously leaning into his words.

“So good. I can’t wait until we get out of here.” Travis smirks and Luke feels his whole body heat up and then the waitress appears and Luke is trying to conceal his blush.

“Can I take your order, gentlemen?” The lady sweetly smiles and both Travis and Luke chirp their orders to the woman before she collects their menus. 

“On a date tonight?” She smiles and Luke feels his grin splitting his face from ear to ear. Finally, he is getting the public acknowledgement that makes the relationship feel _real._

“What the fuck? No. I’m not gay.” Travis splutters and Luke’s grin falls from his face before he even finishes his sentence. He glances at his boyfriend to see his otherwise attractive face pulled into an ugly scowl. “What makes you think that?”

“I-I’m sorry.” The woman stutters, face flushing. “You just looked-“

“What? Gay? I’m not a fucking faggot.” Travis spits and some people nearby turn to see what’s going on and Luke feels like curling into a ball and crying for a while.

“Travis.” He says softly and the older boy glances towards him. “It’s okay. She just made an honest mistake. Calm down.” Luke bites his lip and Travis frowns but lets it go. Luke tries his hardest to let the waitress know how sorry he is with his eyes, but she scurries off.

After a moments silence Luke hesitantly opens his mouth.  
“So… um, I suppose you’re not ready to come out.” Luke says it so quietly, but still Travis sends him a heated glare before glancing around to see if anyone heard.

“Stop saying shit like that. I already told you, when we’re out in public we don't know each other.” Travis says, taking short breaths through his nose to calm himself down, and Luke feels his heart sink.

“I thought… I thought this was a date.” Luke whispers and Travis’ eyes soften.

“It is, Luke, it is. I’m sorry, okay? I lost it back there. But this is only a date to us, okay? No one else needs to know. Got it?”

Luke tries to make himself perk up but it doesn’t really work.

“Got it.” He swallows around the lump in his throat as Travis starts telling him all about football and Luke tries to listen, he really does, but he’s heard this same story about the amazing mark Travis made last season so many times that he can’t help but be relieved when their food arrives and the one-sided conversation stops.

It really just goes downhill from there.

They don’t talk much after the meal, Travis watching the TV across the room. When the check comes, Luke tries not to look at Travis expectantly but his attention is entirely focused on the football so Luke sighs and pulls his wallet out. He tries to talk to Travis afterwards but the older boy shushes him, because the Swans are playing the Dons and, “don’t worry, Luke, the Bombers have got this.”

The Bombers do not have it, not at all, and so when they leave the restaurant Travis is in a foul mood and so is Luke really, because he doesn’t give a shit about the Swans or the Bombers or the footy, he just wanted a good date with his boyfriend where maybe he’d be romanced a little bit and then they could make out.

Apparently Travis is on board with at least a small part of his plan, because when they get back to Travis’ house the older boy pushes Luke up against the door and kisses him roughly. It almost cheers Luke up, until Travis pulls away.  
“I had a really good time tonight.” He murmurs and Luke doesn’t want to lie and say that he did too so he ignores that.

“Can I come inside?” He says, because he is definitely hard right now and Travis may not be great at dates, but he’s living proof that you don’t need romancing skills to be good with your hands.

But Travis pulls away, and Luke is left alone in the cold.

“Can’t tonight, Luke. Sorry.”

“Why not?” Luke says, and he’s aware that he sounds whiney, but he doesn’t really care.

“Just can’t alright. Shit, why are you so clingy?” Luke steps back in shock and the older boy laughs. “Calm down, Luke. I was just joking. You’re acting like a girl tonight.”  
Luke wants to laugh and tell Travis that he’s right but he also wants to cry and tell Travis that he needs some form of affection or else he won’t function properly.  
“Hey.” Travis puts a hand on Luke’s jaw and pulls him close. “I love you.” Luke’s heart flutters. Travis could probably punch a small kitten, so long as he told Luke he loved him afterwards, Luke would probably forgive him.

“I love you too.” He sighs and the older boy smiles, kissing Luke lightly and, yep, Luke’s gone.

“Okay, I’ve got to go now.” Travis says as he pulls away and Luke frowns.

“W-what? I thought you were going to give me a lift?”

“I can’t, Luke. The car is at the shop.” Is all Travis says and Luke glances at the pitch-black streets before looking back to his boyfriend. “Just take the bus, babe.”

“Oh, yeah, okay.” Luke mutters and then Travis is gone, the door closing behind him faster than Luke can say, ‘goodnight.’

He can’t help but feel extremely devastated at the fact that all of his dreams that this would have been the perfect date have just been crushed, but Luke has bigger things to worry about right now.

He waits at the bus stop, in the freezing cold, for probably twenty minutes before he remembers that the bus doesn’t run at this hour on a Saturday.

And then it starts raining.

Luke huddles underneath the bus stop shelter and he sighs because now he has to get a god damned lift home and that’s just the perfect way to top off his _perfect_ date.

He thumbs through his contacts, gazing at Calum’s number. He doesn’t really want to hear what Calum has to say tonight. He can’t deal with it. And Michael will be just as bad, turning all ‘I told you so’ on him, so really Luke has no other choice.

“Luke?” Ashton’s half asleep voice sounds over the phone and Luke winces.

“Did I wake you up? Shit. I’m sorry.” Luke mutters, pulling away to see that, yeah, it’s 12:30.

“No, Lukey, you’re fine. You didn’t wake me.” Luke knows that that’s bullshit and Ashton is just being way too nice for his own good but he decides to let it slide. “Is everything okay?” Ashton’s voice suddenly turns wary and Luke tries not to sound like he’s halfway to having hypothermia from being soaked through and freezing.

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine, I just uh… I kind of need a ride home.” He says and he can hear Ashton sigh on the other end of the line.

“Where are you?” The older boy clearly wants to say something else but Luke appreciates that he holds back.

“I’m uh, at the bus stop. Outside Travis’ house.” He mumbles and Ashton audibly groans.

“Luke…”

“Can you please come pick me up, Ash?” He pleads, not wanting to hear it and the older boy sighs.

“I’ll be there in fifteen, okay? Hold tight.”

\--

When Luke gets into Ashton’s car he is dripping wet and sniffling and Ashton looks kind of pissed off about it but doesn’t say anything, just turning on the heater and driving away from the curb.

“Th-thanks.” Luke stutters, mainly from his chattering teeth.

“No worries, Lukey.” Ashton says quietly.

It’s silent for five minutes, and Luke is happy about that, but all good things come to an end.

“Luke-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Ashton.” Luke quickly says, already knowing what Ashton is planning on saying.

“You should leave him, Luke.” Ashton says softly and Luke just stares out of the front window.

“Can we not talk about this, please? I’ve already heard it a thousand times.” Luke bites and Ashton glares at the road.

“Why do you think that is? Luke, the guy is an asshole. He left you out alone in the rain!”

“Because, he couldn’t let me into his house!” Luke defends his boyfriend, even though right now now he doesn't really want to.

“Yeah, why?”

“I-I don’t know. He’s got a game tomorrow. He probably wants to rest. I’d just get in his way.” Luke says, cringing at his own words.

“More like because he doesn’t want you to know that he lives with his mum.” Ashton murmurs and Luke raises an eyebrow at him.

“Huh? Is that a metaphor, or something?”

“No, he literally still lives with his mum. Dude, Calum ran past the other day. He says he lives alone but he’s fucking 21 and still living with his mum.” Luke can see the way that Ashton is gripping the steering wheel. Well, he’s angry too. Ashton has no right to be questioning his relationship.

“What does that even matter? So he didn’t want me to know. I understand that. Some things are better kept private.” Luke believes what he’s saying, sort of.

“Why didn’t he drive you home?”

“His car is being worked on.”

“Yeah, like it has been for the entirety of your relationship. What about dinner, huh? How did your _amazing_ first date go? Did he make you pay for the meal? Did he stop talking about himself long enough to actually focus on you?”

“Stop.” Luke says firmly and Ashton hits the brakes hard as the green light changes to yellow and then red at the last second. It leaves the two of them breathing heavily in the small space.

“Luke, it makes me sick to see how badly he’s treating you. He’s the world’s worst boyfriend. He’s too stuck up his own ass to even treat you like you deserve to be treated. You don’t need him.”

“Why are you getting so upset about it, huh Ashton?” Luke snaps. “How is it any of your business, my relationship?”

“Because, you’re my best friend, Luke, and I can’t stand to see the way that he pretends to love you and then leaves you in the dark, _literally_ , to freeze to death. I would never do that!” Ashton growls out and Luke throws his head back, hitting it against the headrest.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Ash? You’d never do what? Treat me like shit if you were my boyfriend? You’re saying you’d be everything Travis isn’t?” Luke says scornfully but Ashton stays silent, not snapping back. “What?” Luke asks, seeing the way that Ashton swallows.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He says and it takes Luke a second.

“You… what?” He feels his jaw slacken as he stares at his friend.

“Luke, I’ve been in love with you for like… a long time now.” Ashton sighs, eyes focussed on the road, and Luke feels his every muscle freeze up.

“What!?” He squeaks, Ashton ignoring it.

“And it literally kills me to see you dedicating your life to this asshole when I know that I could… would treat you so much better.”

The car goes silent and then they’re back at the dingy apartment block and Ashton gets out of the car, Luke quickly following.

“Ash.” He says, stopping the older boy from running off.

“What, Luke?” Ashton snaps and turns around, blanching when he sees the upset look on his friend’s face. “Oh, shit, Luke. I… I was an asshole. I’m sorry!”

“No, I’m sorry.” Luke says, suddenly feeling angry at himself. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know that you felt that way and if I had have known I wouldn’t have been so in your face all of the time. I’m sorry.”

“Luke. It’s alright.” Ashton moves forward and places his hands on Luke’s shoulders, making the taller boy look down at him. “It’s alright. I wasn’t complaining. Yeah, I really, really like you, but I’m also one of your best friends, and I’m not going to be a jerk and stop you from seeing someone else. It’s the fact that the guy you’re seeing is a twat, okay? But I know you don’t see that, so I’ll be here okay. When things go wrong, I’ll be here.” Ashton shrugs and steps back slightly. “Night Lukey.” With that he turns around and leaves a stunned Luke in the dark.

\--

“Good morning, sunshine.” Calum’s voice is way too loud. Luke has a headache and a sore throat and a stuffy nose and he wants to sleep for the rest of eternity, but his best friend doesn’t seem to notice any of that as he throws the curtains open and the harsh sunlight glares down into Luke’s eyes. “Geez, you look like shit. Date go well?”

Luke is so not in the mood for this so he just growls and turns over to face away from Calum.

An hour later Luke wakes up again and decides he should probably get up and eat something before he wastes away into nothing.

He’s pouring milk into his cereal when Calum appears beside him.

“So?”

“So, what?” Luke says, taking his cereal to their tiny table and sitting down.

“How did your date go?” Calum sits next to him and Luke tries not to groan at the question.

“Fine.” He mutters.

“Fine? That’s not very descriptive.”

“Okay, look.” Luke drops his spoon into his bowl. Milk splashes over the table. “I know that you guys don’t like Travis okay, I get that. I _do_ though, and I just fucking wish that you could all be even a little bit supportive of my relationship.”

Calum sits back, eyebrows raised and hands up defensively.

“Calm down, dude. I was only asking how it went.”

“Yeah, but then I’d tell you and you’ll tell me, ‘Leave him, Luke, he’s an asshole, blah, blah, blah.’”

“Well, at least you’ve been listening.” Calum says and Luke rolls his eyes.

“I don’t get it. Why don’t you like him?”

“I don’t get why you _do_ , Luke!” Calum bites.

“Because, he’s funny and sweet and nice and charming and generous and social and he loves me!” Luke says, tapping each of his fingers off with each reason. Calum doesn’t look convinced though.

“Luke, the first and only time you brought him over, you introduced him as your boyfriend and then he called you a faggot and said that he’s not gay and that you’re just friends.” Calum deadpans and Luke winces because he remembers that day all too well.

“I know that, but he is having trouble with his sexuality and stuff. Can’t you sympathise with that? He’s scared of what people are going to think of him.” Luke says, staring at his cereal as it slowly goes soggy.

“That’s fine, Luke. But it’s not fine when he hurts you and treats you like shit because of it.”

“I know what I’m doing, okay, Calum? I don’t need you guys to baby me. I’m 18, not 8. I can make my own mistakes. Shit.” Luke throws a hand through his hair and sits back and Calum just watches him with a look that looks an awful lot like he’s feeling sorry for Luke, and that pisses him off.

“You know, Ash has always been there for you.” Calum says it softly but Luke still sits back like Calum slapped him in the face.

“Are you fucking serious?” He manages.

“Ashton told me and Mikey what happened, okay? And I don’t mean to sound biased, or force you into anything, but Ashton would treat you exactly the way you’ve always wanted to be treated, Luke. He bloody got up in the middle of the night to pick you up, and you know how stingy he is about his precious gas. Fuck, he’d probably do anything for you; he’s so whipped. But you’re so hung up on some irrelevant dickhead that you don’t see it. And it pisses me off because if you had never met Travis you’d probably be going out on a date with _Ashton_ and _Ashton_ would be your boyfriend. And none of us would ever have to get up in the middle of the night to pick you up because _Ashton_ has a car and he cares about you enough to not leave you like that anyway. Not to mention, _Ashton_ wouldn’t hide you and wouldn’t be ashamed of you. He’d probably friggin’ parade the fact that he had you to the world.” Luke’s mouth opens and closes repeatedly as he makes a noise akin to that of a dying cat. Calum breathes heavily, as he finishes up his little rant.

“But _Ashton_ is my best friend. I didn’t know that he felt that way until literally last night. Besides, I don’t feel that way about him. And I _do_ feel that way about Travis. I don’t care if he’s calls me a faggot because he’s scared, I don’t care if he won’t even sit next to me on the bus because he’s scared, okay? I don’t care if he lied about living alone or that he lied about having a car. I don’t care if all he ever does is talk about football! I don’t care!” Calum gives Luke a sympathetic look and that infuriates him. “I’m happy like this. Okay?”

Calum doesn’t respond and Luke turns to his bowl and begins angrily shovelling his cereal into his mouth. He hears Calum sigh and then leave the room and Luke feels his shoulders slump.

“I’m happy like this.” He says quietly to himself.  

\--

Luke is surprised that things aren’t weird between him and Ashton, but he supposes that they’ve always had that kind of relationship. The one where if something happens, they bounce back from it in moments and then they’re back to normal.

Ashton still drives Luke to his afternoon classes before he goes to work and they still get coffee together and it doesn’t feel any different and for that Luke is glad. He would hate it if Ashton was suddenly awkward around him, or vice versa, but the older boy doesn’t mention a thing to do with Travis and Luke or Luke and _Ashton,_ and neither does Luke, so it’s all good.

It’s a couple of weeks after Luke’s disastrous date.  
Travis and he hadn’t seen each other much since. Luke had been to Travis’ house once, on the weekend, and he’d given Travis a blowjob and then been hurriedly kicked out because Travis’ friends showed up out of nowhere and that was it, really. Luke didn’t mind though. He _likes_ having a casual relationship. He doesn't need things to be too serious yet. And the cold walk to the bus stop had killed his boner for him, so it was all good. He’s fine.

He’s at Starbucks with Ashton. They usually do this together. They always spend an hour or two together before Ashton drops Luke off at the college and then drives himself to the gym where he’s been doing a year of work experience as a fitness trainer. Now that it’s gotten colder they both secretly (it’s actually really obvious) look forward to their time together. Ashton usually sits and reads his nutrition textbook while Luke works on whatever assignment is due that week. That lasts for ten minutes, then they give up and chat, or maybe play paper football or sometimes they just get up and go for a walk. It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen today though, as the windows of the store are relentlessly pelted with rain.

“Yep, that’s definitely enough studying for one day!” Ashton smiles as he finishes his self-assigned reading (pages 201 to 201) and Luke laughs and closes his laptop.

“Same. I wrote at least 30 words on my essay.”

“Whoa, Lukey, don’t strain yourself there.” Luke grins over his drink, trying not to laugh to loud. For some reason, Ashton has always been the one who makes him laugh the loudest out of his friends. He just knows how to get that embarrassingly high squeaking laughter out of his throat. It makes Luke throw his hand over his mouth to suppress his giggles, which always makes Ashton smile.

“I love your laugh.” The older boy says and Luke feels his cheeks heat up slightly.

Just because they haven’t been acting any differently, doesn’t mean that Luke has forgotten that Ashton likes him. He never would have guessed it, but now that he knows he can’t help but over-analyse everything the older boy does. He suddenly notices the way that Ashton watches him smile, that he smiles a little wider when Luke laughs, that he gives him little off-handed comments. Luke doesn’t want to make it weird, so he doesn’t dwell on it, but it’s there and it sort of makes him uncomfortable in a way. Like, this is his best friend. His oldest of three brothers, is how he always used to see it. And now he can’t say that anymore because it’s _weird._

Luke’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he is surprised to see ' _Travvy'_ flashing across the screen when he pulls it out.

“Do you mind if I take this really quickly?” He asks Ashton and the older boy just smiles warmly and shakes his head.

“Go for it.”

“Thanks.” Luke mutters and he is consciously aware that Ashton doesn’t take his eyes off of him as he sits back slightly, his head is resting on the window.

“Hey, Travis.” Luke chimes, and he can’t help but notice the way Ashton’s smile immediately drops and his eyebrows tug down to frown slightly. His lips even pull into a pout, and it almost makes Luke smile, but then Travis starts talking and his attention is stolen away from Ashton’s face.

“Hey babe,” comes the reply and Luke feels the way his stomach flips slightly at the nickname. He loves it when Travis uses pet names on him, because that’s what normal couples do and it makes Luke feel like that’s what they are: a normal couple. “What are you up to?”

“Just getting coffee with Ash.” Luke answers.

“Who?” Travis sounds confused and Luke frowns slightly.

“You know… Ashton. One of my best friends.” Luke sees Ashton’s smirk form, amusement written all over his face, but does his best to ignore it. “You met him a couple of months ago. At my apartment. Short, curly hair.” Luke supplies.

“'M not short.” Ashton mumbles and Luke flashes him a grin.

“Oh yeah, I remember.” Travis says but Luke isn’t entirely convinced. Ashton snorts to himself, and Luke realises that his friend can make out Travis’ voice over his small phone speaker. He tilts away slightly and Ashton takes the hint and makes himself look busy, although Luke figures he’s probably still listening.

“Look, Luke, I’m calling because I have to cancel on tomorrow.” Travis says and Luke immediately frowns.

“We haven’t hung out in like a week. What’s wrong with tomorrow?” Luke says, and then winces because he doesn’t want Travis to get mad and call him clingy again.

“I’ve got some of the team coming over for some pre-game partying.” Travis says, like that’s a good reason when they’ve had this planned for over a week. Luke is feeling rebellious today.

“Why don’t you just schedule it for another night? The game isn’t for three days. Or get the guys to do it at someone else’s house.” Luke says and Travis makes a little outraged noise.

“I can’t cancel pre-game 'Bevs' night! Dude, you don’t do that. It’s like a tradition. And the guys chose my house because, you know, I am the captain, and this is a big game. They’re all counting on me to pull my own this game and you know that I’m going to have to relax these next few nights in order to get in the zone. That means no distractions. So it’s better if you don’t come over. Okay?” Travis says and Luke really wants to argue because, hello, Luke is Travis’ _boyfriend_ and they never even do anything anymore unless it’s sexual. But he also doesn’t want to argue because Travis needs space and time and Luke knows that, wants Travis to grow into their relationship at his own pace.

“O-okay, Travis. It’s all right. I have to study anyway.” Luke says, which isn’t really a lie. He does need to study; he’s just not planning on actually doing it.

“Thanks for being so understanding, babe. You’re the best boyfriend ever.” Travis says and it makes Luke smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and how could he stay mad at Travis when he says stuff like that.

“Wait, Travis.” Luke says, just as his boyfriend starts to say goodbye.

“Yeah, Luke?” Luke bites his lip and he’s not really sure why he’s doing this.

“Could I come? To the party?” Ashton probably thinks Luke sounds stupid, having to ask for permission to go to his own boyfriend’s party, but he doesn’t understand.  
One of the first things that Travis told him after they started going out was that Travis’ friends didn’t need to know about Luke. Whenever they showed up while Luke and Travis were together, Luke had to fuck off, like ASAP. Luke didn’t understand at first, and to be honest he still doesn’t. He gets that they’re the cool sporty kids and he’s one of those shy losers that doesn’t really fit into a group and sticks to the background, but he’s not a completely socially inept wanker. He can make small talk. He can party. Travis’ friends would like him, Luke thinks, and if Travis could see that then maybe he wouldn’t be so scared to come out to them.

Travis doesn’t say anything and Luke thinks for a second that maybe he’s considering it.

“I thought we already agreed on this.” Travis says slowly.

“I know, I know, but we’ve been together for over three months now, Travis. Your friends don’t even know that we’re friends, let alone boyfriends. They think I’m your tutor and they don’t even know my name. They probably think you pay me 10 bucks per lesson so that I can go buy candy down at the milk bar or something.” Luke says and Travis laughs.

“What’s wrong with that? You wouldn’t like my friends, babe.”

“I don’t even know them! They look nice. And I could get to know them. That way maybe we could be a bit more open about us, you know.”

“Luke.” Travis’ tone completely changes and Luke cringes. “I told you already, no one needs to know about us.”

“What’s wrong with people knowing that I exist? They don’t have to know that we’re together.” Luke says desperately but he knows he’s fighting a lost battle.

“Because Luke, people are assholes and they’ll start saying shit. I have a reputation, Luke, are you forgetting that? If anyone finds out that I’m fucking around with a guy they’ll kick me off of the team.” Travis snaps and Luke feels his shoulders tense.

“Fucking around?” He repeats, swallowing thickly. “Is that what we’re doing?”

Travis sighs like he can't wait for this conversation to be over.

“You know that’s not what I meant. Stop acting like such a girl all of the time, Luke. God.”

“How the hell am I acting like a girl?” Luke bites. He’s sick of the sexism, and the belittling, and maybe even a bit sick of having to hide.

“Because you always cling to me like some possessive bitch, Luke.” Travis yells, and Luke hopes he’s not in public, but then he thinks, of course he’s not in public. Travis wouldn’t even talk to him on the phone when he’s around people. “This is exactly why I stopped messing with chicks for a while.”

“Did you ever think that maybe it’s not a girl thing, Travis? Maybe it’s normal for people to want even a tiny bit of affection from their _boyfriend._ Maybe it’s okay for them to want something other than sex and to just be seen in public with their boyfriend.” Luke is trying to get the right balance in volume, in which he’s not yelling in the small shop and embarrassing himself, but is still talking loudly enough to let his boyfriend know that he’s pissed off. He’s failing.

“If you have a problem why don’t you just fuck off then?” Travis spits and Luke sits up straight.

“You don’t… you don’t mean that, do you?” He whispers and Travis is silent for a moment, and then sighs.

“No. I don’t. I don’t want you to leave. I didn’t mean that.” Travis says.

“I’m sorry.” Luke says immediately, and he’s not sure what he’s sorry for but he’s relieved when Travis replies.

“It’s okay, I forgive you, Luke.” Travis says and then Luke waits. He kind of wants to hear an apology as well. “I better go now, babe.” Luke sighs but it’ll do.

“Okay. Uh, I love you.” He says and Travis chuckles.

“You too, babe. Bye.” Then Luke hears a familiar beeping and he stares at his phone for a second.

God, what the fuck just happened?

Ashton clears his throat and Luke jumps. He’d totally forgotten that he was there. Luke immediately goes crimson and sits straight in his seat to see Ashton watching him with an indiscernible look on his face.

“I, um, sorry about that.” He mutters, shoving his phone away and Ashton looks down at his coffee for a moment.

“Why do you always say sorry, Luke?” Ashton asks, surprising the younger boy. “Don’t you think you deserve apologies, as well, instead of always giving them?”

“I…” Luke frowns, looking down at his now lukewarm drink. He feels his shoulders slump. “Just leave it, Ashton. I don’t want to hear it.” He says it softly, but his voice still cracks slightly and he curses himself for being this upset. Maybe Travis is right. Maybe he does act too much like a girl.

Ashton doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then Luke hears him gathering his stuff.

“It’s time for you to get to class, Lukey.” He says softly and Luke realises that he’s right and gets up quickly as well. He chucks his drink away and the two begin walking back towards Ashton’s car, where they’ll part ways.

Ashton stops when they get there, standing outside of his car door.

“You know,” he says, staring at his car keys as he flips them in his palm, “it breaks my heart more and more every time I see the way he treats you, and the way you just put up with it like you think that’s the best you can get out of life, out of a relationship.” Ashton looks up, pinning a speechless Luke with his gaze. “You could have so much more, Luke. Do you realise that?”

Luke gets the message hidden underneath that.

_I could give you so much more._

Luke can’t think of a reply and then Ashton steps a little closer to him and Luke is frozen to the spot, his brain switched to ‘dumbfounded’ mode, emphasis on the ‘dumb’.

Ashton gets real close, close enough for Luke to feel his breath fanning over his chin lightly and to notice the way that Ashton’s hazel eyes have a ring of coffee around the outside and pistachio on the inside. He feels goosebumps spread across his body. He feels like leaning in slightly, and his heart is beating at double its normal pace, and his palms are sweating.

Then suddenly Ashton is gone, back to Luke as he’s getting into his car.

“When you change your mind, I’ll be waiting.” Is all he says and then he pulls away from the curb and Luke is left standing, frozen on the pavement, as his brain tries to catch up with everything.

He’s late to his class that day.

\--

“Yes. Yes! Yes, suck my dick! Bitch.”

“Fuck... stop! Please.” Luke is on the ground at this point. He hears footsteps and then there is somebody looming over him.

“You’re mine, bitch. Now, take my balls.” Michael stands over Luke, dipping down to teabag him a couple of times.

“Shit! I don’t have any bullets left.” He groans as he hears his pathetic pistol clicking. No bang. He’d never though Michael’s crotch would be the last thing he sees before he dies.

“Die. Choke on my massive Cliffaconda!” Michael lets out a battle cry as he drops a grenade on Luke’s body and runs off, Luke promptly dying, giving Michael the final kill.

“This is why I hate Call of Duty.” Luke grumbles as he chucks the controller behind him, onto the couch in Michael and Ashton’s apartment.

“Because I always win at it?” Michael smirks and Luke shoves a pillow at him.

“No. It’s because you turn into an even bigger dick than usual when we play it.”

“You just can’t handle me handing you your ass.” Michael says, standing up and taking a large gulp of his beer.

“I can’t believe I’m here when I could be at a party.” Luke sighs, meaning to say it to himself, but Michael turns around and stares at him.

“Is this the party that that dickhead is hosting?” Michael asks and Luke raises his eyebrows.

“Man, do you guys all just talk behind my back all of the time?” Luke asks, exasperated already. Michael is great, but he’s always the quickest to get on Luke’s nerves. It’s all done in the name of love though. The Muke game is still strong.

“Pretty much.” Michael says, grabbing another can of beer before coming over to sit beside Luke. He nudges him with his shoulder. “Ashton needs somebody to yell at, seeing how he can’t bring himself to do it to you.”

“Why would he yell at me? What have I done?” Luke whines. Michael kicks his leg lightly.

“It’s not so much what you’ve done. It’s more what you haven’t done.” Michael smirks again and Luke doesn’t like it.

“Yeah, like what?”

“Well, let’s see hear. 1, you haven’t woken up and realised that you’re dating a Giant Asshole. 2, you haven’t realised that what you’re doing can’t be classified as ‘dating’ anyways, mainly because the Giant Asshole is too pussy to even look at you in public. 3, you remain blissfully unaware of the fact that you’re unhappy with said Giant Asshole. 4, you stay with Giant Asshole when there is a Giant Loser who could make you happy. 5, every time you ignore the Giant Loser and talk about the Giant Asshole instead, you make the Giant Loser sad and that makes the Dickhead you live with, and the Most Awesome Person You Know - that’s me - really sad because we don’t like it that the Giant Loser is sad. And 6, you refuse to come to your senses and make out with the Giant Loser, even though deep down you know that he could make you happy and that you could make him happy, thus making the Dickhead and myself happy.”

Luke doesn’t say anything. Michael is terrible at explaining things, but unfortunately Luke understood every word he meant, which is his problem.

“Look, I love Ash. I do. But I can’t be in love with him.” Luke says, as though that sums everything up perfectly, and Michael raises an eyebrow.

“What’s the difference?” He asks and Luke hesitates.

“Well... love is like, you know, affection and stuff. And you see that person as a brother or a sister or a really, really close friend and you’d do anything for them if they needed you to. But being in love is... different.”

“How’s it different? Have _you_ been in love?”

“No. But I know that it’s different, because how could it not be. As much as I hate you,” Michael punches Luke’s shoulder lightly and the younger boy chuckles before continuing, “I still love you. But it’s not the same love that I’d feel if I was in love with you.”

“Ah, the truth comes out. You’re actually in love with me!” Michael grins as he raises a fist in victory, and Luke frowns.

“Shut up, dick. I’m trying to explain everything.”

“You’re not really explaining anything.” Michael says and Luke groans. “You’re not in love with Travis.” It’s stated as a fact, and Luke nods slowly.

“No...”

“But you tell him you love him.”

“I do, sort of. In a way.” Michael gives Luke a look and he gives up. “He said it to me a week into the relationship and I didn’t know what else to say so I just said it back. He doesn’t mean it.”

“Doesn’t he?” Michael raises both brows now.

“Of course he doesn’t. Does he look like he treats me like he loves me?” Michael stares at Luke in shock and the younger boy chuckles slightly. “I’m not a total idiot, you know. I know that Travis isn’t one hundred percent there in our relationship.”

“Damn. I never thought I’d hear anything negative about Travis coming from your mouth.” Michael says, sipping his drink while staring at Luke thoughtfully.

“Like I said, I’m not an idiot. You guys all think I’m some innocent kid, but I’m not. I would leave Travis if I thought there was no point trying in our relationship. But I’m willing to give him a chance, unlike you guys.”

“Okay... okay then.” Michael says. “I’ll leave you alone, if you think you know what you’re doing. Just... I just don’t want you to hurt Ashton.” Luke immediately frowns.

“I’m not going to hurt Ashton.” Luke says, wishing his words sounded as sure when he said them as they did in his head.

“You say that, but you do it anyway.” Michael says and Luke flinches. “Sorry, it’s harsh, but it’s true. You know, Ashton is _so_ in love with you. You already knew that, but he doesn’t just love you, Luke. He’s _in love_ with you. He has been for a long, long time. Before you ever met Travis.” Michael looks away for a moment, breathing out a laugh. “I remember when you told us all you had a boyfriend and how crushed Ashton was. He beat himself up so bad. He kept telling me that it was his fault, that he had been too late and too scared to say anything and he’d missed his chance. And I told him how stupid that was but he didn’t listen. And then you bought Travis back here, and it sounds weird but Ashton was so happy when he treated you the way he did. Mainly because he thought that you were going to dump him straight away.” Michael looks back to Luke as Luke just stares back, his heart sinking slowly. “But you didn’t and I noticed Ashton would talk about you less and less. It was kind of sad. He used to never shut up and nowadays he never mentions you. He even changes the subject, sometimes. Hell, he was even looking at jobs over in the city the other day. As if he doesn’t see the point in sticking around here anymore. The only reason I know he’s still in love with you is because every time Travis does something to you he comes around ranting about how bullshit it is that you’re still with him and how he’d treat you right.”

“Stop.” Luke whispers and Michael shuts his mouth in a grimace. “I don’t...” He feels his heart aching and he feels so guilty. And he wonders. What if he _had_ never met Travis? What if he had ended up with Ashton? Would he be happy?

They’re silent for a while and then Michael sighs.

"I won’t talk about it anymore. I just don’t want to see my best friends hurting anymore, okay?” Luke nods slightly and Michael sits up straight. “So, this party, hey?” The subject change is awkward, but at least it momentarily makes Luke forget about the tremendous guilt in his heart and start thinking about Travis again. It’s easier to think about Travis, than it is Ashton. With Travis all Luke has to worry about is making sure he doesn’t see him in public and that he gives him a decent blowjob. It’s easy, it doesn’t take brainpower and it doesn’t make Luke feel bad. With Ashton, Luke feels like he has an immense responsibility. He never asked for Ashton’s heart, but here he has it, sitting in his hands, and he has the power to break it without a second thought. That’s hard to comprehend. It makes him feel afraid, like he’s walking on eggshells.  
When he thinks about Travis, he feels frustration and anger and that’s easy, that’s okay. Luke can deal with those emotions.

When he thinks about Ashton, he starts to feel incomplete and lonely, and he doesn’t know what to make of that.

“So do you want to talk about it?” Michael’s voice interrupts Luke’s thoughts and he starts slightly.

“Talk about what?” He hums.

“The party.”

“No.” Luke sighs, wrapping his arms around his legs, bringing them up to tuck his chin into his knees.

“Okay, if you say so.”

“It’s just,” Luke turns to an unsurprised Michael, unable to stop himself from venting it all out. Michael may be an asshole but he is also a pretty good listener, and Luke knows that he’s brutally honest. Plus, it’ll take his mind off Ashton, and that he’s eternally grateful for. “Is it normal for your own boyfriend to ban you from coming to his parties?”

“No.” Michael says easily.

“I know.” Luke huffs. “I get that he’s got some complex where he thinks that if anyone finds out about us the entire world will hate him, but I don’t get why we can’t even be seen in public together. It’s not like I’m going to run up and grind against him in front of everyone. I can be normal.”

“Why don’t you just go and show him that.” Michael says and Luke turns to him.

“I can’t do that. He’ll freak out if I show up.”

“Nah, just rock up to the party, talk to a couple of his friends, introduce yourself as a distant mate and he’ll figure out that you’re not going to out him to everybody and it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know...” Luke stares down at his hands. “I just don’t want him to get angry again. When he starts getting angry and starts calling me... those names... I don’t like it.” Luke doesn’t look up at his friend, refusing to see the pity in the red head’s eyes.

“Look, Luke. If you go and he’s chill about it, well then you’ll know that you’re a step closer to him coming out and accepting you. If you go and he’s an asshole, then you’ll know that he’s not worth having around.” Luke opens his mouth to protest but Michael holds up a hand, interrupting him. “I know that you’ve heard this all from us a thousand times, Luke, and I know that you’re sick of it. I get that. If I were you, I’d want my friends to give my boyfriend a chance as well. But when are you going to stop giving him chances? When he starts publicly abusing you? When he cheats on you? When he hits you? You have to draw a line somewhere, Luke. You can’t keep pretending everything’s okay." Michael stop to catch his breath and then looks Luke straight in the eyes. "You know that no matter what, we’ll all be here for you.”

“Thanks Michael.” Luke mumbles and the older boy just nudges his shoulders with his own. Luke stands up and moves towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Michael calls after him.

“To a party.” Luke replies and Michael smiles.

“Don’t embarrass yourself, Mr. Tall, dumb and awkward.”

“I’ll try, oh mighty Cliffaconda.”

Luke can hear his friend’s laughter from the hallway.

\--

He nervously knocks on Travis’ door, hearing the music clearly from the outside. The sky is just dark enough for the street lights to be on and it’s cold enough that Luke feels the need to tug his beanie down further and tuck his hands into his pockets. Some random opens the door and yells something too drunkenly for Luke to decipher, but the dude lets him in so he doesn’t really care.

He walks in, not used to seeing this house thriving with people. The only times he’s ever been here have been when Travis was home alone. He has to shoulder his way through throngs of drunken young adults, briefly glad for his tallness as he tries to spot Travis in the crowd.

“Hey!” Luke spins around to see a guy Travis’ age walking towards him. He’s tall and dark-haired, and Luke vaguely remembers seeing him with Travis a few times on campus. “You’re Travis’ tutor kid!” The guy yells over the music. Luke nods, even though that’s a lie. “I didn’t know you guys were friends.”

“Yeah, we eventually got to know each other.” Luke shrugs and the other guy nods.

“Oh well, hey, my name’s Ben. I’m Trav’s best friend.” The guy shakes Luke’s hand.

“Luke.” He replies. He already feels at ease. This guy is nice. Luke can see it in his eyes. And he seems to like Luke so far. Travis has got nothing to worry about.

“Travis was in the backyard last I saw him. Drinks are in the kitchen. Travis’ mum isn’t home but his older brother is, but don’t worry, the guy is pretty chill. So feel free to get smashed man. There are plenty of hot chicks here tonight that would get with you!” Luke just raises his eyebrows, mainly because Travis had never told him that he had any siblings. Ben moves off to mingle with other people and Luke slowly makes his way to the kitchen. He might as well have a drink.

He’s grabbing a can out of the fridge when he feels an arm wrap around his wrist tightly. He yelps as he’s twisted around and shoved up against the fridge, his head knocking back against it.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” Travis hisses, making Luke feel tiny as he towers above him. The other people in the kitchen are all staring curiously.

“Travis.” Luke chokes out, the grip on his arm tight. “You’re hurting me.”

“I asked you a question.” Travis seethes, shoving Luke again, and yeah, Luke is a little afraid right now. Travis wreaks of alcohol and Luke knows he can be an obnoxious drunk.

“I wasn’t going to do anything. I just thought-”

“I told you to stay the fuck away.”

“Whoa, is everything okay here?” Luke looks up to see Ben slowly approaching the two, his hands up as if he were approaching a frightened animal.

“Who let him in?” Travis snaps, and Ben shrugs.

“I don’t know, he said you guys were friends. Thought this was your tutor.” Ben says and Luke would say something but Travis shoves him away. Luke stumbles, tripping over his own legs as he drops to the floor. His head catches on the corner of the bench on the way down and he clutches his forehead in pain.

“Him? No, this is some gay fag who’s got a crush on me.” Travis says, crossing his arms and smirking now. He looks something like a high school bully, Luke thinks, as he feels something trickling down his skin and onto his brow. “He’s been fucking stalking me ever since our first lesson.”

“Travis.” Luke stands up, ready to calmly talk some sense into his boyfriend, because this is beyond ridiculous. They can pretend to be just friends. Nobody is going to think anything of it. Before Luke can say anything more, the older boy turns on him.

“Shut the fuck up.” He yells and Luke doesn’t know what’s happening because one moment he’s standing up and the next he can’t see and his head hurts like hell.

“I’ll get him out of here, calm down.” Luke hears and his head clears up as he realises he’s being walked out by Ben, his arm wrapped around the guy’s shoulder so that most of his weight is being carried. Ben takes him out of the front door and gently puts him down. Luke sways for a bit but he’s okay. “Look, I’m sorry about that. I’m sure you’re a good kid, it’s just that Travis is completely smashed right now and you probably shouldn’t have shown up if he didn’t want you to.” The guy looks sympathetic enough and Luke realises that tears are streaming down his cheeks. “You should probably get some ice on that eye right away, or it’s going to hurt like a bitch in the morning. Can you get home alright, kid?”

Luke stares at Ben, and for a moment he’s overtaken with anger. He wants to tell Ben everything, right then and there. He wants to tell him how his best friend is gay and has been giving Luke handjobs and been letting Luke give him blowjobs for three months now and that he’s been telling him that he loves him – although Luke’s certain that he only says that to keep Luke happy – and then Luke will have some revenge.

But then, all of the anger leaves his body and he’s left feeling kind of heartbroken.

“Y-yeah, I’ll be fine.” He whimpers, cursing himself for being as weak as he is, as he turns around and heads towards the bus stop.

The whole way home he keeps up a mantra in his head.

_‘Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.’_

He focuses on the feeling of dried blood on his forehead and of the throbbing in his right eye and it works. It works right up until he’s knocking on Michael’s door and instead of bright red hair and an ‘I told you so,’ he is met with curly, golden locks and soft eyes that instantly turn worried when they see Luke’s state.

“Luke! Shit, what happened to you?” The second the words have left Ashton’s mouth Luke is sobbing and then he’s vaguely aware of strong arms wrapping around him and warmth in front of him.

A few minutes later he’s sniffling to himself as Ashton sits down in front of him, a wet cloth in one hand and a bag of peas wrapped in a tea towel in the other.  
“I can’t believe we even have anything that’s classified as healthy.” Ashton jokes and Luke doesn’t even bother smiling, taking the bag out of the older boy’s hand and wincing as he presses it to his eye.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Ashton asks softly as he gently reaches up and wipes the wet cloth over Luke’s forehead.

“It was... I can’t.” Luke mumbles and Ashton immediately frowns.

“If it was who I’m thinking it was then I am going to be absolutely furious.” Ashton says quietly and when Luke doesn’t reply he scowls. “Tell me what happened. Now.”

So Luke does. Ashton is easy to talk to. He always has been. He’s one of those people that you just _can’t_ answer, ‘I’m fine,’ too, because you’ll end up pouring out your whole life story before you even realise you’ve done it and he just smiles and nods as you do.

He listens to everything Luke has to say without interrupting him, nodding to encourage him to keep talking as he focuses on removing the dried blood off of Luke’s skin. He has one big hand on the back of Luke’s head, to keep him steady, and he’s leaning in really closely, and Luke can’t help but watch him as he works away. His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, his hazel eyes full of barely restrained fury as he listens to Luke’s story. His lips are pursed and they’re right there and Luke can’t help but think that Ashton is really attractive. And yes, he’s known that for a long time, of course. He would have been blind not to notice it, but it’s only now, as Ashton leans back and roughly threads a hand through his golden locks, that Luke is _really_ noticing it.

“There’s a lot that I want to say right now, Luke, but I can see that you’re upset so I won’t say anything. Let’s just go sit down and watch a movie or something. Okay? How does that sound?”

“Thanks, Ash.” Luke knows he sounds like a little kid, but Ashton just smiles softly and then Luke yelps when the older boy scoops him up like he weighs nothing. “Wh-what are you doing?” He says as he scrambles to keep an arm around Ashton’s shoulders while the other keeps the frozen peas in place.

“Carrying you.” Ashton says happily. “Since when does the damsel in distress get made to walk around?”

“I’m not a damsel in distress.” Luke pouts and Ashton giggles as he drops Luke down onto the couch.

“You’re certainly something.”

Luke watches as Ashton puts a movie in and then smiles big and wide when he sees it’s the SpongeBob SquarePants movie.

“Why do you even have this?” He teases as Ashton flops down beside him.

“Are you complaining?” The older boy says and Luke shakes his head quickly, happily sitting back to watch the movie with his best friend.

He falls asleep half way through it, his head in Ashton’s lap as he smiles fondly down at Luke and holds the peas in place for him.

\--

When Luke wakes up next to Ashton, for a moment he doesn’t question it. He kind of likes the feeling. He’s never woken up with his legs tangled up in someone else’s before, never had someone’s fingers lightly threaded through his hair as though they fell asleep trying to comfort him, but he quite likes it.

But then he remembers that this is his best friend and that he’s got a boyfriend, (or at least, he thought he had one) and that this is wrong, so he quickly shifts away and his movements make Ashton groggily raise his head.

“Hey.” He croaks out and, damn it, he’s so cute in the morning.

“Hey.” Luke mutters and Ashton sits up.

“Your eye isn’t too bad. He only just caught it by the looks of it. That bruise will be gone in a few days.” Ashton says matter-of-factly and Luke just nods, not liking the way Ashton is staring straight into his eyes. He feels sort of trapped, and dizzy. He looks away and the older boy sighs. “Luke, I know you don’t want to hear me rant on about Travis and how he should never, ever hit you like that and all of that shit, so I won’t say it, okay? I won’t say anything.” Ashton says and Luke runs his fingers over Ashton’s bedspread, staring down at it.

“Thanks.” He croaks. “I... I think I’m done. With Travis. I think I’m done.”

“You think you’re done.” Ashton repeats slowly. “You mean-”

“I’ve known for a long time that he doesn’t treat me right, but I thought that maybe he’d come around. I thought, maybe, if I gave him time, he’d change, but he didn’t and I don’t think he ever will. I’m done.” Luke says and then looks up to see Ashton smiling widely, not even trying to hide it.

“It’s about damn time.” He says and Luke shoves him lightly.

“Shut up.”

“Come on; let’s go fix your eye up, Lukey.” Ashton giggles before shooting out of the room and Luke sighs and follows him.

Luke stumbles into the kitchen to see a giddy Ashton wetting a cloth under the tap. He turns around and that’s when Luke realises that Ashton is very shirtless and _very_ toned and he gulps and decides it would be a bad idea to stare so instead he focuses on pulling a chair out and sitting in it. He holds his hands out for the cloth but Ashton gently slaps them out of the way.

“I can look after myself, Ash.” Luke rolls his eyes as Ashton stands in front of him.

“No you can’t. You’re the damsel in distress and I am your nurse, Ashton.” The older boy says firmly and Luke snorts.

“Sexy.” He deadpans and Ashton giggles as he presses the cloth against Luke’s eye gently. It hurts like a bitch but Luke doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to, not when Ashton’s face is so close to his own and his lips are right there. Luke watches, sort of mesmerised, as Ashton’s tongue darts out to wet his lips and Luke has this niggling thought that he wants to ignore and it sounds something like, ‘You’re free now. You can do it.’

“If you just keep something cold on there for a few more hours I’m sure you can...” Ashton trails off and Luke realises he’s definitely been caught staring at his friend’s lips and he quickly looks up into Ashton’s eyes. There’s definitely some amusement there, as well as something else.

Alarm bells start ringing in Luke’s head, but they’re totally drowned out by the sound of his own heart thumping in his ears. And Ashton is definitely leaning in, definitely moving closer and Luke realises he has the power to break Ashton’s heart here. He can turn his head. He doesn’t have to kiss Ashton. He can let the boy down easy. He realises that Ashton has stopped moving and he’s waiting. He’s waiting for Luke to make the decision because he seems to know exactly what the younger boy is thinking.

Is it right to kiss Ashton? Is it right, when he has known that Ashton has feelings for him for so long, and he doesn't return those yet? Is it right for him to turn away, and hurt Ashton now, but save him from being hurt later? What is the right and wrong choice here?

He can’t think straight and the responsibilities that come with the decision only serve to make his head hurt so Luke decides to throw caution to the wind and just do what he _wants to do, for once_.

Ashton definitely jumps a little when Luke leans up and presses his lips gently to Ashton’s. He was expecting Luke to chicken out, obviously, and he stays frozen in shock for a moment. Luke almost pulls away, but then Ashton’s hand comes up to the back of Luke’s head, holding him place and he kisses back, moving his lips slowly over Luke’s.

Luke hadn’t known what to expect really. Maybe somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of his mind he had imagined kissing Ashton once or twice, but he’d never imagined what it might feel like. It’s different from kissing Travis. Physically, it's the same. There’s still the familiar feeling of lips pressing against his own. But emotionally, there is something there that Luke feels is strikingly different. He likens the feeling of kissing Ashton to finally getting a gulp of air after holding your breath for one second longer than you’re comfortable with underwater. It feels like relief, but in an overwhelming way.

Ashton pulls away, leaving Luke dumbfounded. The older boy immediately smiles from ear to ear, cheeks tinged red slightly and eyes sparkling and it’s enough to make Luke forget anything else in the world that is not pertaining to Ashton Irwin.

“Wow.” Ashton breathes out and it makes Luke blush and smile slightly. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that for.”

“Do you want to do it again, then?” Luke finds himself saying, and Ashton giggles before leaning in again and then, yeah, they’re full on making out and this time Luke feels hot all over as he wraps his arms around Ashton’s neck, one hand threading through the older boys hair and tugging lightly, making Ashton deepen the kiss further as he pulls Luke towards him and Luke’s in absolute heaven and he’d never known that he could feel like this.

“Holy. Shit.” Ashton’s lips are gone and Luke feels dazed and confused, but then Michael’s voice washes over him like cold water. “Holy shit!” Luke whirls around to see Michael staring at Luke and Ashton with eyes wide and mouth wider. “Please tell me that I’m not on ‘shrooms right now! Please tell me that was real!”

Ashton giggles and Luke goes scarlet and Michael runs forward and hugs him really hard.

“I can’t... breathe!” Luke gasps.

“I’m so proud of you! I was starting to think you’d never... but you did and- Ashton oh my gosh!” Michael is incoherent and Luke just laughs, because at least he’s happy.  “Calum! I’ve got to go tell Calum.” Then Michael is gone and running down the hall to their door and Luke hears Michael screaming, “Cal! Wake the hell up! I just caught Luke and Ashton making out!” from where he’s sitting and just laughs to himself.

“Do you want some breakfast?” Ashton asks, still unable to stop himself from smiling and Luke just nods, in quite the same state himself.

\--

Luke is glad that he only has three friends; he’s already sick to death of explaining what happened. It doesn’t help that Calum asked him the same questions three or four times each. But Luke is secretly glad that his friend’s are proud of him for once. It’s definitely an improvement.

He’s currently sitting on the couch in Michael and Ashton’s place while his three friends run out to the store. It’s been a long couple of days and he needs to chill out, so he stayed back.

He would gladly sit and make out with Ashton for a while, and Ashton had definitely offered, but there are a few things he needs to think over, and he needs the alone time.

First of all, he needs to sort out what the fuck he is feeling. One day ago he had a boyfriend and swore he could never feel anything for Ashton, and now he is making out with Ashton and has decided that he’s done with his boyfriend, or now ex, he supposes. And that’s another thing. He’s going to have to see Travis at some point, to make it official. He doesn’t really want to feel like he’s cheating.

A knock at the door sounds and interrupts his thoughts and Luke frowns.

“Please don’t tell me you three idiots lost your keys!” Luke shouts as he moves towards the door, opening it up, the grin immediately falling off of his face as he sees no other person than Travis standing at his door. He’s wearing sunglasses over his face, and Luke is sure it’s to hide his bleary eyes from the sun.

“Travis! What are you doing here?” Luke has an urge to slam the door in the guy’s face, but then chickens out of doing that.

“I’m here to apologise. I didn’t know you were here. I was going to ask your friends where you were.” Travis says and Luke has to stop himself from letting his jaw drop. He can’t believe Travis had even bothered to remember where he lived, let alone the fact that he had come here to _apologise._ “Luke, I was beyond drunk last night. I was smashed. And when I saw you I just freaked out. And I didn’t mean to hit you, I swear. I was just scared you’d say something and people would hear.”

“I’d never fucking do that, Travis.” Luke snaps, anger starting to rise inside of him. “You’re not the only person in the world who has had to deal with a sexuality crisis, do you realise that? I went through it too. I would never out you without your permission.”

“I know, babe, and I’m so sorry. I panicked. And I know I don’t deserve to have you forgive me but I feel so bad and I was a dick and I’m sorry.”

Luke can feel himself caving, and he hates himself.

“I... don’t know, Travis. I don’t even care that you hit me. I just don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“Doing what, baby?” Travis moves closer, gently placing a hand on Luke’s arm and stroking his skin gently and Luke leans in a little bit.

“Hiding. Hiding from everyone. I feel like you don’t even want anyone to know that I exist.” Luke says desperately.

“I don’t want to hide you, Luke. I just can’t let anybody know. Not yet.” Travis says. “But please, I’ll do anything else to have you back.” Travis steps forward and Luke just sighs because he knows he’s already forgiven him.

“Just promise me that you’ll try. Promise me that you’ll try to start coming out. I don’t care how long it takes, just as long as you make an effort.”

“I promise.” Travis says and Luke feels himself smiling.

“Then all is forgiven.” Luke says and Travis leans down and presses his lips to Luke’s and Luke can’t help but notice that it’s _different_ to when Ashton kissed him, too different, but he pushes that thought away and kisses his boyfriend back because this is what he knows. He’s comfortable with this.  
With Ashton it’s unpredictable and Luke doesn’t know how to deal with that. With Travis, Luke knows exactly what he’s going to get and how far it’s going to go.

It’s easier with Travis.

So why does Luke feel like he's chosen the wrong option?

Luke hears a gasp and Travis quickly moves away from him, and oh God, this is not going to be good.

  
Michael, Calum and Ashton are all standing right outside the apartment door staring at Travis and Luke in total shock. Luke gets the urge to push Travis away from him, as though he’s just been caught watching porn by his mum, but Travis surprises him by wrapping an arm around him.

“Luke. What is he doing here?” Michael says quietly and Travis smiles his regular giant smile that he charms the guys and gals across the city with.

“Hey guys.” He smiles. “I was just here to make things right with my boyfriend.”

“Travis?” Luke looks up at him in shock and the taller boy smiles down at him.

“I promised I’d make an effort, right? Might as well start with your friends.” And Luke feels his heart swell because he’d never thought he’d see the day that Travis actually referred to him as his boyfriend, but that feeling is quickly stopped in his tracks when he turns back to see his friend’s faces.

Calum looks stony-faced, Michael looks livid and Ashton just looks sick. And Luke suddenly feels that guilt again, overwhelmingly heavy over his heart, and he realises that the feeling had not left, ever since Michael and he had talked.

“Do you want to go, babe?” Travis says, sounding slightly uneasy. Clearly he can tell that his friends are not too happy to see him.

“Luke, can we talk to you for a second?” Calum says quickly, and Luke gulps but nods and Travis slowly removes his arm from around him.

“I’ll just be in the car when you’re ready, okay? Don’t take too long.” Travis flashes Luke a look when he says that, clearly making that an order and Luke just nods dumbly as Travis awkwardly shuffles around his friends.

The three boys move in slowly. Luke wrings his hands together, his heart racing at an unhealthy pace and he’s not going to lie, he is _terrified_ right now.

“Luke. What the _fuck?”_ Michael says only moments after the door closes and Luke flinches.

“I-”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? Are you seriously about to tell me that you just fell at his feet because he apologised to you? He punched you in the face, Luke. He let you bleed on the floor and-”

“He didn’t mean to punch me! And it was my fault that I was bleeding, I’m just clumsy! He was drunk. You guys weren’t there, you didn’t see it!” Luke shouts, stressed and worried about the indiscernible expression on Ashton’s face as he refuses to make eye contact with Luke.

“That’s bullshit.” Calum interjects. “We know you’re a pushover, Luke, but this is a new low. The dude is fucking around with you and you just let him!”

“Not to mention all the shit you said literally _this morning_. What happened to that?” Michael yells and Luke turns around, walking away a few steps and staring at the wall, rubbing a hand over his eyes in frustration. He feels like crying. “What about Ashton, huh? Did you fucking make out with him for fun while you were bored?”

“Fuck off.” Luke snaps, whirling around. “I was fucking confused, okay? It was confusing and there are so many feelings that I don’t know how to deal with.”

“No, you just don’t want to deal with them, so you avoid them instead. Man the fuck up, Luke. You know, you _know_ that Ashton is fucking in love with you and you know that he’s good for you but you’re too scared to deal with that so you’re ignoring it instead.” Luke sees the way that Ashton flinches as his feelings are talked about so easily. Calum has stepped back now, just giving Luke a hard stare and Luke feels like he’s about to implode.

“That’s not true. It’s not as easy as that. You keep making it sound like it’s so simple. Like I can just say, ‘Oh I hate Travis now, but that’s okay, I’m suddenly and out of nowhere in love with Ashton!’ It’s not that simple!” Luke screams and it’s enough to shut Michael up. The younger boy turns around again because he’s definitely about to start crying and he knows that’s not going to go down well.

“Why did you kiss me?” Ashton’s voice sounds in the quiet room and his words make Luke stiffen, freezing up. “You had every chance not to. I didn’t force myself on you, even when you said you were done with Travis.” Ashton says and Luke squeezes his eyes shut tightly, trying to block out all of the different thoughts screaming through his mind, all of the feelings swirling around inside of him. There is only one that he can make sense of right now, and it’s eating him up. “I let you do it, because if you didn’t want anything I knew you would stop, but you chose to kiss me. Why?” Ashton says and Luke tries to ignore the word flashing in front of his eyes. “Luke?” Six letters. Four consonants, two vowels. “Luke, talk to-”  
“It was because I felt fucking guilty!” Luke screams, whirling around to see the shocked faces of his friends, and he knows he has tears rolling down his cheeks and he doesn’t look too pretty, but right now he doesn’t care. He looks right into Ashton’s eyes, sees the heartbreak in them and he breaks. “I was guilty. I am guilty. Do you know how hard it is, to have everyone telling me, ‘Oh, Ashton loves you,’ ‘Ashton would treat you right,’ ‘Leave Travis and take Ashton,’ ‘You’re breaking Ashton’s heart.’ Do you know how hard that is for me to hear? I can’t just magically make myself give up on Travis and then love Ashton. It’s not that simple, it doesn’t work like that. So I fucking kissed you because I felt bad, and there was no other reason, okay?”

Luke heaves a breath as the room falls into a stony silence. For a second no one says anything, and then Ashton turns around on one heel and heads to his room, closing the door behind him.

And Luke feels like an asshole but he was telling the truth, for the most part. He did kiss Ashton because he was guilty, he knows that now.

But that wasn’t the only reason. He wanted to know how it felt, what it would make him feel. He wanted to see how Ashton would react and if things would turn weird between them. He wanted to know if maybe one day Ashton could hold his heart like he holds his.

And now that Luke knows the answers to all of those questions, he knows that his every move is punctuated by guilt and emphasised with shame because he's messed everything up. 

Michael goes to say something but Luke pushes past him before he can, heading for the door and closing it quietly behind him. He breaks out into a run, leaving the building and locating Travis’ car, hopping in.

“You alright, babe?” Travis asks, looking up from his phone.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Travis.” Luke says, looking out of the window.

And Travis doesn’t bother to ask him if he’s lying or not, just starts the car and drives away.

And Luke knows that if it had have been Ashton he would have forced Luke to face him and he would’ve made him tell him exactly what was wrong and then let him cry on his shoulder and he would have been there for him in exactly the way Luke needs someone to be there for him.

And that thought alone is the reason that Luke knows Michael is right. He doesn’t want to deal with the thought of somebody having the same amount of power over his own heart as he does over Ashton’s, so he avoids it instead.

\--

It takes a while to get Travis to let Luke stay the night. He wasn’t ready to go back to face Calum just yet, nor Michael and definitely not Ashton. Travis didn’t want to at first, but then Luke shouted that he knows Travis lives with his mum and Travis eventually caved and said he could stay, but Luke ends up having to leave first thing in the morning because Travis’ friends show up. It’s okay with Luke, because he doesn’t really feel like spending a lot of time with Travis anyway, because he can’t stop comparing everything he does to the way Ashton does it. He keeps coming up disappointed.

Luke catches the bus home and ends up staying on it for ten stops more than he’s supposed to. He then finds a cafe and proceeds to spend his entire day ordering coffee after coffee, even though he doesn’t really like coffee all that much anymore. It’s not like he can go to the bar and get smashed at this time of day. His phone buzzes a few times in his pocket and he knows its Michael and Calum but he ignores it. Eventually his phone dies and then he slowly starts walking back towards the general direction of his suburb. He’s got a good fifty blocks to walk, but it gives him time to get lost in his head. He stops a few times along the way, just sitting on a bench and thinking about nothing, before continuing along.

By the time he gets back to his apartment, it’s almost midnight and his feet as killing him. He slowly makes his way to his house, sneaking in and trying to close the door behind him quietly. Calum doesn’t seem to be home, and for that Luke is grateful, as he flops onto his bed and manages to fall asleep.

\--

He doesn’t wake up until well after 12. He gets up and makes himself some toast and reads the newspaper. He feels really old, all of a sudden. Like all of the youth has left his body and he’s just left as a shell of himself. Maybe he's being over-dramatic.

“Ashton’s leaving.” Calum’s voice scares the shit out of Luke, as he scrambles up and faces his friend. He quickly catches onto what Calum said and he feels his heart drop.

“What?”

“He’s leaving.” Calum said. “He’s moving.”

“What, he can’t do that! What about the rent? What about Michael? What about our movie nights? What about...” _What about me?_ Luke doesn’t deserve to say that.

“He and Michael have already sorted it out. And Michael already has the ads up for a new roommate. He said he’s been thinking about it for a while. He just needed a reason to go. Or more, a reason not to stick around.” Calum bites and Luke feels his heart sinking down to somewhere around where his feet are.

He stands up and quickly leaves the room. He knocks on Michael and Ashton’s door and Michael opens and Luke is surprised to see that the red-haired boy doesn’t look at him angrily. He just kind of stares at Luke, waiting for him to talk.

“Where is he?” Luke mutters. Michael steps back, opening the door.

“In his room.”

Luke moves past him and then stands outside of Ashton’s door for a second. Michael ignores him, something he’s grateful for, as Luke collects himself. He knocks gently on the door, his nerves kicking in as he hears Ashton muttering for him to come in and he quickly darts in and closes the door behind him.

“Are you leaving?” He says and Ashton swivels his head up in a flash, shocked to hear Luke’s voice. He had thought it was Michael.

Luke takes in the suitcase on Ashton’s bed and the scary lack of anything _Ashton_ in the room and feels like his muscles have all locked up. Ashton looks down at his suit case, fiddling with the handle.

“I have to.” He says after a short silence and Luke shakes his head. 

“No you don’t! Ashton, I-”

“I’ve been planning this for a while. There’s a place in the city that I can live in for a year. It’s right next to one of the biggest gyms. It’s perfect, and exactly what I need to move forward as a physio. The experience will be amazing.”

“But Ashton, you don’t want to be a physio. Not really. You say that, but it’s not what you really want.” _You don’t want to leave. You’re saying that you are, but you don’t really want to._ “You’ve always wanted to be a drummer, Ashton, start a band. You could still do that. Don’t give up on that.” _You want me, Ashton. You want to be with me. Don’t give up on me._

“That was just a fantasy, Luke. This is the real world. I have to do this.”

“No you don’t. You don’t.” Luke whimpers and Ashton sighs, picking up his suit case.

He walks over to Luke, standing in front of him and Luke feels like everything he’s ever loved is dying in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Luke, but I have to go.” Ashton puts a hand gently on Luke’s shoulder. “I hope you find somebody who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.” Ashton says and Luke chokes back a sob, staring up at Ashton, his hazel eyes looking sadly into Luke’s blue ones.

“I hope I do, too.” Ashton says softly and that hurts Luke worse than any punch ever could.

Ashton gently opens the door and Luke numbly steps out of the way, Ashton’s words reverberating through his mind like bells in a cathedral, echoing and bouncing off of every wall.

He eventually walks out into the main room, seeing Michael hugging Ashton tightly and whispering into his ear and Luke is crying again, but what’s new?

Calum is there too but Luke tunes that part out. He’s staring at the kitchen, where he kissed Ashton and he can’t help but feel like the past four months of his life have been full of sadness that has only ever been his fault.

Everything that has gone wrong has been because of something he did. Every tear was deserved and every painful moment was a consequence of something stupid he’d done. He’s not a good person, he thinks. And in that moment, hearing Ashton say goodbye to his two best friends as though they’re never going to see each other again, Luke feels the last thread holding his heart together sever. He’s heartbroken, and it’s his whole entire fault.

He’s managed to fuck up his entire life in what seems like only a few momentary decisions.

As Ashton hitches his duffel bag onto his shoulder and carries his suitcase, moving towards the door, Luke feels like he’s watching the last bit of happiness he had walk out of his life.

“Ash.” He calls, his voice cracking. Ashton turns only slightly, not looking up at Luke. Michael and Calum don’t move either and Luke feels like he’s in some sort of parallel universe and maybe if he’s lucky he’ll wake up and he’ll be lying next to Ashton and he’ll have that big smile on his face and his best friends won’t hate his guts. But unfortunately he’s in this universe, and this is the only one, and Ashton is leaving and no one will look Luke in the eye anymore.

“I hope you find someone, too.” Luke whispers. And Ashton knows exactly what Luke is saying and he just nods and Luke can see that Ashton has a tear streaking down his face and then he’s gone.

And Luke knows that he’s still got Ashton’s phone number in his contacts and he still knows where Ashton is going to be, but he also feels like Ashton is literally gone, forever.

\--

You know you’ve hit a rough patch when the only thing you’re doing well at is school. And 'well' is an overstatement. Luke’s not failing. That’s about all he can say.

He comes to hate himself more and more as each day passes.

At first, Michael and Calum don’t talk to him. And Luke doesn’t blame them. He’s successfully ruined all of their lives for them in no time flat. He wouldn’t talk to him either. A week passes and the only person who talks to him is Travis. That’s kind of sad, Luke thinks. Travis seems to notice that something is up with Luke, because he doesn’t insist on Luke giving him a blowjob every time they’re alone. One time he even sits down and watches a movie with Luke, snuggling with him, but Luke’s swears he’s never felt colder.

A few weeks pass and Luke eats breakfast by himself for the umpteenth time in a row.

Calum sits on the couch, watching TV. He actually speaks to Luke that day. He asks him to pass him the newspaper, and Luke does, and then he says that he’s got classes until four so if Luke is back before then he’s going to need his keys. Luke nods and doesn’t respond, and deep inside he thinks that he doesn’t deserve to have Calum caring if he gets locked out or not.

He bumps into Michael’s new roommate on the way out. She’s a bubbly girl, plain looking at first until you realise she’s actually quite beautiful. She’s quirky and nice, and she has a lovely smile and she talks a lot but it’s endearing, and she’s charming, and Luke hates her because she’s not Ashton. Michael seems to like her though. So that’s good, Luke guesses.

She asks Luke how he’s been and he says, “Fine,” and she frowns in response.

“Are you sure about that?” She asks, and Luke looks at her in the eyes for a moment and she gasps, her eyes immediately filling with sympathy.

“No.” He answers and then he moves on because he doesn’t deserve to be feeling sorry for himself. He needs to man up and move on and stop acting like deserves to be upset because all of this is his fault.

He feels like the aching in his chest has gotten slightly worse by the time he gets to Travis’, but maybe that’s just him developing heart problems or something. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Luke lets himself into Travis’, which is a new thing that he’s been allowed to do now. Travis’ mum actually really likes Luke, and she chats to him every now and then. But it makes Luke sad because she reminds him so much of his own mother and how much he misses her, and his dad, and his brothers, and his dog, and how things used to be when he was in high school.

He looks around, not seeing Travis anywhere, so he walks down to his room. He hears noises coming from the inside of Travis’ room, and his brain sends him a message that he chooses to ignore.

He opens the door and feels totally unsurprised to see Travis balls deep in some really pretty girl.

Luke lets the door open fully and Travis yelps and pulls the blankets up over them.

“Luke! What the fuck are you doing here? I told you I cancelled!” Travis says frantically as he climbs off of the girl, keeping himself covered with the blanket.

Luke just stares at him blankly. “No, you didn’t.”

“I texted you.” Travis hisses and Luke glances down at his phone and thumbs through it, and yeah, he has some unread text messages. He doesn’t read those as religiously as he used to.

“Oh. Well, you’re cheating on me.” Luke says matter-of-factly and the girl, who had been staring at Luke with crimson cheeks, gasps.

“You’re gay?” She says and Travis quickly shakes his head at her.

“Travis, let’s just call it quits.” Luke says and Travis looks torn between keeping up his ‘straight’ facade, and begging for Luke not to go.

“Luke, please!” He says and Luke must admit that he is slightly surprised at that one. “This wasn’t what it looked like okay. I mean, it was, but I just wanted to... oh God, please, I can make it up to you.” Travis says desperately.

“Travis, I don’t love you. I don’t think I ever did. Too be honest, meeting you turned out to be one of the worst things I’ve ever done. Which is, like, no offence to you, because it’s not your fault, it’s mine, but whatever. There’s just no sense in keeping this up. You clearly have issues coming out and I don’t feel like committing to anything at all anymore, so why don’t we just let it go.” Luke says.

"But Luke-"

"We were only ever using each other, Travis. Luke says, staring at his hands, his widening slightly. He doesn't know where the words are coming from, but as he speaks each one he realises that they're all true. "You used me as a toy to play with so you could indulge your gay fantasies without anyone knowing about it. And I..." Luke shudders a breath as the weight of his own words hit him like a brick. "I was using you to feel loved. I didn't care who it was, or what they did, as long as I felt like there was someone that cared about me. And I realised that you didn't really love me but I ignored it because I liked to pretend that we had something. I liked the idea of a relationship. I wanted one. And there was someone who was right there, and they were willing to love me with all they had, but I was too scared to let them because when I compared their love to yours, it was scary. Theirs was so powerful and raw and I was too afraid to accept, so instead I pushed it away. And that was the biggest mistake of my life."

The room is silent and Luke tries to clear his mind because he's sick of thinking all of the time, sick of thinking about Ashton all of the time.

"I'm going to go, Travis." Luke says with an air of finality.

Travis opens and closes his mouth a few times before Luke sees him do something he’s never seen him do before. He relaxes. All of his muscles seem to go lax and Travis just nods slightly.

“I’m sorry. For everything.” Travis says and Luke feels like if this had have happened a month or two ago, he would have demanded a lengthy explanation for why Travis was such a dick with an even longer apology, but Luke just can’t bring himself to care now, so he just nods and then turns around and leaves. On his way out to the bus stop he deletes and blocks Travis’ number from his phone. He reads his text messages. One is from his mum, asking him to call her because she misses him, and that makes Luke hate himself even more, but he makes a promise to call her because he can’t lose her too. She’s pretty much all he’s got now.  
The other is from Michael, saying that he needs to talk to Luke and asking him to come visit him as soon as he gets home.

Luke decides to ride the bus for a few more stops than usual, making it only five this time. He then walks back and uses the time to enjoy the constant buzz of the city. He lets the only thing in his mind be the sounds he hears, and it’s a relief from his constant self-deprecating thoughts.

When he gets back to the apartment he sneaks past Michael’s door, not wanting to go in and see him. Whatever Michael wants to talk to him about, it's probably an insult and he probably deserves it. But despite this, he doesn’t really want to hear it.

He collapses onto his bed and stares at the clock. 3:28, it reads. Luke stares at the numbers until they go blurry. It takes him a moment to realise that they’re blurry because he’s crying, and then he really starts.

His whole life had become a mess so quickly. He had the greatest urge to either crawl back to his mum and sleep forever, or die. He isn’t sure which one he wants more. He knows which one would be easier though.

He doesn’t want to think into that too much though, so instead he just lets his mind go numb and cries and cries.

He’s vaguely aware of someone touching him and people trying to talk to him but he’s way too out of it. He sees the numbers of the clock now imprinted in his mind and he feels like that’s all he’s got now. Time.

“Luke, please, calm down.” Luke comes out his numbness to see Calum sitting in front of him, holding him lightly by the shoulders. “Listen to me, breathe with me, okay? Copy my breathing.”

Luke didn’t realise he’d been having a panic attack until it was over, but then he felt like he was suddenly all too awake.

He pushes Calum’s hands off him as though they burned him, and the older boy frowns slightly.

“Luke, what’s wrong?” Michael’s voice comes from beside him and Luke hadn’t even realised that he was there. It calms him down slightly, because this is how it used to be. Michael and Calum used to care about him, and they’d be there, but then Luke thinks that there’s one face missing and he’s crying all over again, harder this time.

“Go away.” He says, pushing backwards on the bed to crawl away from the two older boys.

“Luke, please.” Calum says, holding his hands up cautiously, and Luke sobs.

“No, I don’t deserve you.” He says and he feels like if he starts he’s going to be unable to stop himself. But he supposes that the same thing could be said of everything in his life. “I don’t deserve to have you guys care about me. Please, go back to hating me. It’s better that way.” Luke raises his voice and Michael slowly reaches out, ignoring the way Luke flinches, to grab Luke’s hand.

“Luke, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. We don’t hate you. We never could.” Michael says and Calum nods in agreement, but Luke shakes his head quickly.

“No, you do, you have to. I don’t deserve to have you care about me. I don’t deserve it, I don’t. I’ve been an asshole, you should hate me.”

“Luke, please stop.” Calum says, eyeing his friend warily. “You’re scaring me.”

“Luke, we’re the ones that have been assholes. We were angry and only cared about ourselves, and we forgot that you are one of our best friends and that you needed us and we weren’t there for you.” Michael says calmly and Luke tries to stop himself from crying. “I only realised it because of what Lina told me. She said that she’d never seen anybody with eyes so sad.”

“Yeah, Luke, I was so pissed off that I let it control me and because of that I didn’t notice that things weren’t right with you. I’m so sorry.” Calum says, his eyes watering and Luke shakes his head.

“It’s not your fault.” He says. “It’s mine.”

“Stop blaming yourself. Sure you messed some stuff up, Luke, but everybody does. Me and Calum messed up too. And... Other people did too. No one is at fault for everything. So stop saying that, and stop believing it.” Michael says and Luke wants to force himself not to believe him because he’s lying, he has to be. “Listen. I want you to get some sleep. You look like you haven’t slept in months. And then once you wake up, you’re going to have a shower and then we’ll all sit down and hang out, okay?” Michael says it in a way that leaves Luke no room to argue and he is really tired so he just nods and then Calum and Michael are both hugging him tightly. And Luke feels something. He doesn’t know what it is exactly, but it’s something.

And something is a whole lot better than nothing.

\--

He slowly gets a bit better. It takes some time and a lot of slaps from Calum every time he tries to blame himself for something. But he slowly gets better. In a few weeks time he’s eating properly again and sleeping normally and he’s gotten himself a job too so he feels kind of useful. It’s only as a waiter in one of the cafes a few bus stops down, but it makes him feel like he’s got a purpose again, so he takes it.

Calum and Luke are closer than ever, and the only reason that Michael’s not as close to them is because he’s completely head over heels for Lina and spends a lot of his time with her. But Luke is happy for him. Michael insists on thanking Luke, saying that he’s the only reason that Michael ever met Lina, and Luke wants to argue with that, but Calum will slap him if he says one negative word about himself, and he’s tired of waking up with bruises.

When finals come and go, Luke is feeling the best he has since he walked in on Travis and that girl. He aces most of his tests, feeling accomplished, and he thinks he knows what degree he wants to take on next year.

It’s starting to heat up, so the boys and Lina (who has meshed into their group very well) decide to head down to Bondi for a night. They all deserve a holiday from those tiny apartments, they decide.

When they board the bus with all of their gear bundled up in bags, Luke can’t help but feel nostalgia wash over him. He feels like he’s bloody grown up on these busses. The amount of emotions he’s experienced on the Sydney Public Transport System is just ridiculous.

They get a cheap hotel and share a room altogether. Michael and Lina share one bed, while Calum and Luke share the other. Luke doesn’t mind, because Calum is good to cuddle with.

When Luke wakes up in the morning, with Calum’s legs messed up with his and his dark-haired head pressed into the crook of his neck Luke feels a wave of sadness wash over him. It’s nice to wake up next to someone, but Luke has realised that it has to be the right someone.

Luke quietly walks over to the fridge and then realises something that makes him want to laugh, but he doesn’t for fear of waking up his friends. They have no food, or anything. They really didn't plan this very well.   
‘Gone shopping :-)’ Luke leaves a note on the bench for everyone to see as he quietly leaves the hotel room. He googles the nearest grocery store to him. There’s a Coles a few blocks away, but Luke doesn’t feel like wondering through different aisles trying to figure out where the hell they keep the long life milk as opposed to the cold milk, so instead he chooses the 7/11 that’s five blocks away. He’s come to love walking around anyway. He likes the solitude of it.

Luke gets the shock of his life upon entering the 7/11 store. There, standing right in front of the slurpee machine is Ashton Irwin.

Luke feels like all of the breath is stolen from his lungs and his heart temporarily stops beating.

It takes a moment for his brain to kick in again, but when it does he realises two things. The first one is that he needs to hide so he can think, so he moves quickly down an aisle and hides behind it. He looks dumb but that’s okay, because when doesn’t he?

The second one is that the moment he saw Ashton, everything he had denied to himself for the last six months was just pushed to the forefront of his mind and he realises now exactly what it is that he needs and what it is that he wants. For a long time he thought those two could never be the same thing, but he’s learnt better now.

He watches for a moment as Ashton fiddles with the machine. He looks good. He’s tanner than ever, his golden hair looking tousled and lighter, as though he’s been surfing a bit. He’s wearing a black tank top and skinny jeans and Luke laughs quietly to himself. It’s 30 degrees outside, and Ashton has not changed. Luke glances down at his own jeans, and thinks for a moment; maybe he hasn’t really changed either.

Ashton sighs as the machine won’t turn off and his cup overflows and Luke giggles to himself, because Ashton is so cute and perfect and Luke misses him so much.

Luke decides it’s now or never. He’s not going to run away from his problems this time. He can face them.

Maybe he has changed. Or maybe he’s just finally started listening.

He’s halfway down the aisle when Ashton turns around, proud of his finished product. Its three different flavours mixed into one, and the only reason Luke can see this is because Ashton drops his cup the moment he sees Luke, and the icy drink spills all over the linoleum.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” Ashton babbles to the annoyed looking store owner as he bends down and tries to scoop his drink into the cup with his hands. Luke stands there, watching, as the store clerk jumps from behind the counter and shoos Ashton away. “I-I’ll pay for it!” Ashton says, chucking a five dollar note at the man and then quickly turning away. Ashton freezes when he sees Luke again, his cheeks tinged red and Luke’s sure his are the same as he slowly steps forward.

“Um... Hey-hi.” He starts and then mentally applauds himself for his great use of the English language. Way to impress, Luke.

“Hi.” Ashton replies, his eyes boring into Luke’s and suddenly Luke is overcome with shyness as he starts fiddling with his fingers. “How are you?”

“Good, I’m good.” Luke stammers. “I got a job.” He blurts out and then wonders why he said that but it keeps the conversation going so he guesses its okay.

“Really? That’s good.” Ashton offers Luke a half-smile but that’s not good enough for Luke. He starts feeling extremely nervous.

“Yeah, I’m a waitress. I mean, no, a waiter. At the cafe just down the road. I catch the bus there almost every day. It’s good. I like it. It makes me feel useful. You know, serving society and all that. Except sometimes I accidentally drop stuff on people, like knives or sometimes coffee because I have long legs and I’m clumsy.” Ashton’s amused eyes drop to his legs for a moment and Luke panics even more. “I mean, like yeah, I passed all of my finals. I did well. Mum was proud. She cried. It was funny. And Michael’s got a girlfriend. Her name’s Lina. You’d like her. You like everyone though. And Calum’s the same as always. Nothing ever-”

“Luke.” Ashton interrupts, and this time he smiles his normal smile and Luke’s heart does somersaults because for a while he had thought that he was never going to see that smile again.

“Sorry.” Luke cringes and scratches his neck, embarrassed. “What about you?”

“I’ve been good. I liked working at the gym.”

“Liked?” Luke says and Ashton kicks at the ground.

“Yeah, I kind of gave up on that pretty quickly. You were right.” Ashton shrugs. “I’ve always wanted to be a drummer, so lately I’ve been working at this dvd store, to keep the money coming, and I’ve been playing as a fill-in for some bands in my spare time. I love it. It’s what I’m meant to do. So, yeah.”

“That’s good.” Luke says and he can feel the conversation dying and panics. “Listen what are you doing right now?”

Ashton’s eyes immediately become guarded and Luke doesn’t know how he knows this but he just does. Ashton is being cautious. Which, Luke supposes, he has every right to be.

“Why?”

“Do you want to come and see the guys? And meet Lina? We’re in a hotel just five blocks from here.” Ashton hesitates and Luke feels like falling to his knees and begging for him to come. “Please?” He manages.

“Okay. Just, let me get my slurpee.” Ashton says and Luke nods frantically.

“Yeah, yeah, good, I’ve got to get stuff anyway, that’s why I’m here, ha!” He swiftly does a 180 degree turn, his face flushed scarlet as he hears Ashton laughing behind him. He buys the basic foods that they’re going to need today, ignoring the way his heart is thrumming the entire time and pays for the stuff before meeting Ashton outside.

They walk in an awkward silence that Luke doesn’t like, but he can’t think of anything to say that’s not stupid so there’s nothing he can do.

He’s carrying three bags and Ashton reaches down without a word and grabs one from him. Luke doesn’t even notice the way their fingers momentarily brush against one another, making his whole body jolt. Nope.

“I can carry them, its okay.” Luke says and Ashton just smiles.

“It’s okay. I could see it was slipping.”

“You know, I’m not a damsel in distress anymore.” Luke says and Ashton raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, aren’t you?” He says it in a tone that lets Luke know he’s thinking about the term ‘damsel’ in the same way that it was used all those months ago.

“No.” Luke says softly. After a moment he clears his throat. “I, uh... Me and Travis broke up.”

Ashton’s lack of a reaction is upsetting as he merely raises the other brow.

“Did you really? How long ago?” He asks and Luke knows that that right there is a test.

“Five months.” Luke says and then Ashton really does look surprised. He just nods, not commenting. “So, um... did you uh, find them?”

Luke feels dry-mouthed as he awaits Ashton’s reply.

“Find who?” Ashton frowns and Luke clears his throat as they wait at the pedestrian crossing. They’re half way there by now.

“The person who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.” Luke says and Ashton blanches for a second before he looks away.

“Uh, no.”

(Luke internally rejoices.)

“Oh.” That's all he can think to say. They walk another block before he says anything more. “I, uh, I did.”  
Ashton turns to him.

“You did what?” He asks with eyebrows furrowed.

“I found someone who treats me the way I deserve to be treated.” Luke says calmly. Something flashes in Ashton’s eyes as he looks at Luke. The younger boy chews on his lip ring slightly as Ashton looks down to the ground.

“That’s so good, Lukey.” Ashton says, not thinking twice about the nickname, and it makes Luke’s brain short for a moment. “That’s really good. You deserve it. I hope they make you happy.”

“They do.” Luke says and then they’re outside of the hotel and the walk towards it. Luke stops walking and Ashton doesn’t realise for a second, turning around when he’s a few steps in front of him.

“So now I’m just hoping that he’s willing to give me a second chance.” Luke says, swallowing thickly and Ashton looks confused for a moment before realisation dawns and his eyes widen.

“What?” He gasps and his skin goes kind of pale.

“Ashton, I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I ruined my whole life for myself without even realising it and I ruined Michael and Calum’s and I probably ruined yours too. I was so fucked up for so long. I just kind of wanted to die for a while, because I thought it was all my fault and Michael and Cal, they wouldn’t talk to me, and Travis cheated on me and I couldn’t eat or sleep and I really thought that that was going to be me for the rest of my life. Michael and Calum made it better, and Lina helped too, and I’ve been getting better but it still hurts sometimes. Especially now, because I know I messed everything up and things could have been so good...” He trails off because he hadn’t really meant to say all of that but now he has.

“I... I don’t understand...” Ashton stammers and Luke stares at the ground for a moment.

No more running.

No more.

“I love you, Ashton.” Luke says, chancing a look into Ashton’s eyes before quickly looking back down to the ground. “I realise that now, when it’s too late. But I just thought you should know. It was really hard back then but now there’s nothing holding me back. I’m prepared to love you with everything I’ve got. And it’s not much, but it’s something and I’m hoping it’s enough.”

Ashton doesn’t say anything, his mouth just opening and closing and Luke quickly backtracks.

“That is, if you want me to. We don’t have to- you don’t have to do anything... I just thought you should know. So yeah, um, let’s go inside. The guys will be so happy to see you!” He grabs Ashton’s arm, pulling him along as he runs to the door, eager to be surrounded by people to remove the awkwardness.

“Guys! Wake up! Look who I found!” Luke yells as he barrels through the door. Lina is awake, groggily drinking a cup of tea. She looks up in confusion at Ashton.

“Who is-?”

“ASHTON!” A flash of red is seen and then suddenly Ashton is almost being knocked over as Ashton is attacked by Michael. Soon Calum is joining him, acting like a puppy that’s just had its owner return after being away on a holiday, drooling and all.

Luke waits until Michael is introducing Lina to Ashton before he ducks into the bathroom. He runs the shower on hot, standing under it and letting it burn his skin for a while before he turns it down and washes his hair. He tries his best to not think about anything that has happened in the past hour, in the past few months, in the past year.

He spends as long as possible in the bathroom. Eventually, when he can quiff his hair no more, he sighs and goes back into the room. He’s surprised when he sees just Ashton, sitting on his bed and he stops dead in his tracks.

“Where is everyone?”

“Did you mean what you said?” Ashton stands up, frowning at Luke.

“What?” Luke leans against the wall, pressing himself it.

“Did you mean.... what you said?” Ashton grits his teeth as he repeats his question.

“Y-yes.” Luke stutters, Ashton moving closer and closer to him every time he blinks. “I did.”

“Say it then.” Ashton demands and Luke blushes slightly.

“I... I love you.” Luke says softly.

“Okay, good.” Ashton says and Luke frowns slightly. That was not what he had been expecting. “I’m sorry that I left you hanging before. You just shocked me. I thought you would have moved on by now or that maybe nothing had changed and you were still with Travis,” Luke winces at the mere thought, “so when you said all of that you just caught me off guard. But I’m better now, so say it again.”

“I love you.” Luke says firmly, cheek still bright red as Ashton leans in closer.

“Again.” Ashton orders.

“I love you.” He whispers and Ashton moves forward so that they’re touching everywhere, their foreheads pressed together, everything meeting except for what Luke desperately wants to be.

“Again.” Ashton whispers back.

“Ashton, I love-” his words are cut off by Ashton’s lips pressed firmly against his own and Luke doesn’t hesitate for a second, kissing the older boy back.

He feels complete. It’s perfect. He can hear bells ringing and birds chirping and the sound of the ocean all at once and he feels really warm, like Ashton is his own personal ball of sunshine, filling his soul with light.

Before he can get into the kiss, Ashton pulls away.

“There are some rules.” Ashton says against Luke’s lips and Luke tries to kiss him again but he pulls away.

“Anything.” He breathes.

“We are going on a date first thing next Saturday. It will be in public and I don’t care if you don’t want a public relationship, because that’s what we’re having.”

Luke feels his lips pull up into a smile that he hasn’t smiled in a long, long time and it almost hurts, but in the best way. He doesn’t even reply, just pulls Ashton’s own smiling lips down to meet his and Luke thinks that _this_ , not being able to kiss properly because they’re both too busy smiling, is the best feeling in the world.

\--

“What can I get for you gentlemen?” The waitress smiles down at them and Luke smiles back. He’s been doing a lot of that in the last week. Smiling. It sounds like a weird thing to be so happy about, but Luke feels like he’s smiled more in the past week than he had in the previous six months.

“I’ll have the garlic prawns, thank you.” He grins and she writes it down.

“And I’ll just have a salad, thanks. I’m watching my weight.” The girl starts writing down the order, but Luke quickly stops her.

“No, no, no, he’s just kidding." He says, giving Ashton a look as the older boy smiles sheepishly. "It was a terrible joke.” 

“I think I’m pretty damn funny.” Ashton grumbles. “I’ll just have the fish and chips, thank you.”

“So are you gentlemen together?” The woman asks and Luke feels himself freeze up at the question. Ashton notices because he frowns.

“Yes. It’s our first date.” Ashton says, reaching out and grabbing Luke’s hand and squeezing it and Luke relaxes. He’s not used to this.

“How lovely. I wish you all the best in your relationship.” The woman says as she rearranges the cutlery.

“Thank you.” They both reply and she smiles warmly before leaving them.

“Luke-”

“I’m just not used to it, is all.” Luke murmurs, fiddling with his napkin. “The time that another waitress did that to Travis he almost attacked her.”

“First of all, I’m not Travis. Second of all, I don’t ever want to hear that name again.” Ashton hisses and Luke smiles slightly.

“So hot when you’re jealous.” He jokes (but he’s not really joking.)

“Third of all, I couldn’t be more proud to call you mine. So get used to it. If someone asks, I will take every opportunity to brag about you.” Ashton says firmly and Luke swoons a little bit.

“Who knew that you were such a romantic son of a bitch?” Luke says and Ashton puts on a face of mock horror.

“Such language in such a fine restaurant, Lukey.”

“Please, only four and a half star?” Luke puts on a posh accent and sits up straighter. “My last boyfriend took me to a ten star restaurant.” He says.

“Be careful what you say, Luke, or I will show you how jealous I can get.” Ashton murmurs and it sounds like a promise. Luke shivers. He leaves himself a mental reminder to make Ashton more jealous more often.

“Shut up and eat your bread stick.” Ashton says before Luke can even think of a reply and then he shoves the bread into Luke mouth across the table, almost making him choke and spilling a glass of water in the process.

Luke couldn’t love him anymore if he tried.

Later they’re walking around the Circular Quay, and it’s absolutely packed full of people about to watch a light show. Ashton grabs Luke’s hand and holds it and Luke is admittedly rather nervous about it.

Ashton notices, of course.

He stops walking and so does Luke.

“How long is this going to last?” He asks quietly.

“I told you Ashton, I’m just not used to this. I’ve only ever had one relationship before you. He-who-shall-not-be-named and all of that. I’m still getting acquainted.”

Ashton thinks for a moment before his eyes light up.

“Come with me.” He says before pulling Luke along, shoving through the throngs of people until they’re standing on the platform that’s slightly raised above everyone else. 

“Watch this.” Ashton says.

“Ashton, what are you doing?” Luke says as already he can feel eyes on him.

“People of Sydney!” Ashton yells and Luke immediately ducks his head, tugging on Ashton’s jacket slightly.

“Ashton, stop!”

“This is Luke Hemmings, and I am completely in love with him and I don’t care who knows it!”

“Ashton!” Luke snaps, whacking Ashton’s hands down from their outstretched position. “You can’t do that. You’re embarrassing us both in front of all these people.”

“Shut up and kiss me.” Ashton smiles before capturing Luke’s lips in a searing hot kiss for all to see.

Who is Luke to deny him?

Later when Luke is out of breath and his face is tinged red from something _other_ than embarrassment, he and Ashton jump down from their makeshift stage and keep walking. 

“I love you.” Luke says and Ashton squeezes his hand again.

“I love you too. You make me a happy man, Luke Hemmings.”

“Please, you’re still a boy. Both physically and mentally.” Luke teases and Ashton tickles him lightly as revenge before kissing him harshly again.

“You know, I think I should tell you.” Ashton starts as Luke is breathing heavily after their kiss and they’re standing with their lips centimetres from one another, all thoughts of prying eyes completely forgotten.

“Mmm? Tell me what?” Luke mumbles.

“When we were up there and everyone was staring at us...” Ashton says and Luke leans in and prepares himself for something that’s probably going to blow his socks off with romance and give him a mere taste of what’s to come of their relationship in the future. “Well I thought I should tell you. Your breath stunk of garlic.”

“What?! Ashton!” Luke claps a hand over his mouth and sends Ashton a death glare.

“Just saying.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought of it if you like VVVVV  
> <3


End file.
